Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
