What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize