I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize