Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
