I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
