it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
