Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
