i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
