every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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