I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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