dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My vagina just clenched in fear
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
