Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
