I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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