You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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