if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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