Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
