I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
