Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
