i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
