ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
