I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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