yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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