He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
