you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
