Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
