Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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