There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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