I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
