I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
