I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize