he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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