Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
