I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
