Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
