My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
