Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
