and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
