I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
