I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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