Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
