wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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