I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
