Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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