i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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