I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
