I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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