Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
