Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Your dad touched me again.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
