so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
