I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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