WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
