get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
