So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
