May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
