No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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