But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
