There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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