where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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