nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
