If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My underwear smells like fireworks.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
