I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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