you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
