the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
