best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
