he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
