i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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