We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
There's always time for handjobs
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
