K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I would ride that face into the sunset
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
