I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
