If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize