Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
