I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize