Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
