Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
