I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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