Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
